In the past week, I have had two clients look at me and say. .
“But you couldn’t possibly know how hard this is. You seem to have it all together.”
Let me TELL YOU that the reason that I might HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER (Do any of us really?) is because I did A LOT OF WORK!
– Therapy – Coaching – Positive Affirmations – Self care – Changed the people I associated with – Processed my rage and grief. . .
BUT PRIOR TO THAT? . . .
I WAS a CO-DEPENDENT through and through. I married a man that I knew would NEVER LEAVE ME as long as I kept DOING ALL OF THE WORK! We were never truly ever married.
I MISTAKENLY had kept trying to help my husband become the BEST PERSON HE COULD BE and not until I had my daughter did I realize that the only person that needed to LEVEL UP was me! I was the only one who could change. So I left my marriage with tons of GUILT.
My divorce? HIGH CONFLICT over ZERO ASSETS! I put my legal fees on credit cards to the tune of 20k plus.
My ex. hired a shark attorney and I had the following lobbed my way:
* WORKAHOLIC * SELFISH * FINANCIALLY IRRESPONSIBLE * POISONING OUR DAUGHTER AGAINST HER DAD
AND I STUPIDLY responded to every single charge thrown my way. I did not know any better!
Well, my ex. remarried and things settled down. I thought we had a decent and flexible co-parenting relationship with lots of BUMPS AND BRUISES ALONG THE WAY.
I published a book – CAVORTING WITH IMBALANCE – a memoir of getting off of my co-dependency addiction.
All info disguised.
MY ex got wind of said book and sued me for defamation of character AND FULL CUSTODY!
And what went through me that day when I found those papers taped to my door?
(BTW this is why I greatly encourage my clients to PLAN on how to serve their STBX’s – because that surprise is traumatic and can set the stage for the rest of the divorce process!)
* ANGER * RAGE * SHOCK * HURT
AND AGAIN. . . the “Fight or Flight mode” took over me. I ALLOWED it to.
MY MINDSET CONSISTED OF THE FOLLOWING:
* He does he not understand how hard I work to provide for our daughter!
* This is unfair – why won’t somebody see that and stop the whole legal battle?
* He is destroying me financially so I won’t be able to take care our child!
* I will never get out of court, legal battles, money issues, etc.
* I even began to now internalize all of those charges once again being thrown my way!
The HYPERVIGILANCE and ANXIETY that I carried around with me resulted in A MAJOR CANCER SCARE REQUIRING SURGERY AND MONTHS OF RECOVERY.
I came out of that incredibly painful journey with one mission in mind. . .
CHANGE THE FACE OF DIVORCE!!!
IT BECAME MY MISSION THAT I HAVE FOLLOWED WITH A PASSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT IS WHY I AM HERE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to . . .
Ease the Pain of your divorce
Help you make financially sound decisions
Teach you how to navigate the legal process
Coach you to be able to still co-parent with your high conflict ex
Allow you to be emotionally available to your children
Help you maintain your health, sanity, self-esteem and integrity
Educate you so that you do not make the same mistakes I did
Challenge any mindsets that are hindering your progress
SO YES INDEED I ‘GET IT!!!’
I am NOW saving you the time, work and financial investments that I have had to make to find my place of PEACE AND RECOVERY!!!
If you have any questions about Divorce Coaching please send me a PM.
I AM HERE FOR YOU!
Remember that YOU are not YOUR divorce! You are so much more than that!!!