High-Conflict Divorce & Co-Parenting Resources

You don't know what you don't know... I began my divorce process eleven years ago. I was buried in fear, guilt and confusion. I agonized for months over the possible negative consequences of a divorce, but finally realized that "jumping off a cliff’ was the better option for myself and my two year old daughter. I assumed going into divorce, that it would be easy. I mean, my ex and I hardly fought (in fact, we hardly communicated at all) and had very little assets to struggle

The holidays are supposed to be a time filled with joy. Unfortunately, if you are going through a separation or divorce, the season can be filled with pain, stress and loneliness. I am here to reassure you that you can make it through the holiday season and maybe even find a little bit of magic this time of year. Here are some tips on surviving the holidays during a divorce: Make the most out of your parenting schedule: If your children will be with your ex on Christmas Day o

Going through a divorce can be an emotional roller coaster and a process that involves many challenging questions. "Why is this happening to me?" "Will I have to go back to work?" "What will my friends and family think?" "How will the kids cope with this news?" The weight of the unknown can feel like too much to bare, and the stress of it all can lead to anxiety, depression and very real emotional trauma. Luckily, you don't have to go through this alone. A Certified Divorce C

I began my divorce journey 11 years ago. I came to the legal process with 15 years of employment in providing child and family psychotherapy in multiple settings, under my belt. As a trained professional I was sure that the divorce process would be smooth for me. We did not even have assets to fight over. However, I became quickly shocked, dismayed and surprised. First, I realized that I did not know what I was doing. The lawyers certainly did nothing to make the process more

“Why can’t I just get over this guy?” “I can’t stop obsessing about her with another person.” “I can’t sleep, eat, or work – I just need to find an answer to why he cheated.” Ending a relationship is hard enough. But it is even harder when the relationship is unfinished. This can occur for any number of reasons: * Perhaps your love interest had to move out of state for a job. * Maybe an affair or betrayal was discovered. * You might have been on the receiving end of ghosting

Quieting the Mama Bear I made the decision to file for divorce when my daughter was only 2. Up until that point, I had been the 95% parent. I had navigated a high-risk pregnancy, latch issues, colic and milk allergies solo. I managed selling my full-time therapy practice in NYC alone. I implemented a move to be closer to my parents single. Was my then husband parenting? Was he even around? Well, in sporadic pictures it appeared so – but the reality was so much different in m

Pas De Deux Every time, I started with a new psychotherapist; I would receive the same diagnosis. Codependent Personality Disorder. It is and always will be – my sickness. But as the years went by, I would sometimes wonder if it had just become my mental frame go-to. What if a therapist had labelled me with ‘Big Hearted Empath” or even “Super Supportive Lover” – might I have changed my behaviors and choices in my relationships quicker? Or would I still have carried around the

Ahh how divorce impacts friendships. . let me count the waves. This issue is a common struggle for those adjusting to life post divorce. Suddenly, the friends who you vented to about getting your child to eat vegetables is avoiding you like the Black Plague. The avoidance is painful but what is worse is that it is often expressed in covert ways. You were forgotten about for the holiday get-together and assumed to not want to come to the couples-only events. Those of us who h

This question is posed often by my coaching clients who are worried about how the divorce will impact their children. No matter what level of dysfunction and/or bad behavior that existed prior to the divorce, both parents typically have the same exact fears for their children’s wellbeing. It is important for parents to remember this even in the midst of their feelings of rage and righteousness. Remember that your fellow parent is afraid too. And both of you might be wrestli

We all do it. We tell ourselves a narrative. It’s how we make meaning of what is going on around us. Our stories shape and define us in a way that we can share our internal landscapes with others and hopefully find meaning, understanding, and the basic human need for connection. Sometimes when I ask a client to share his or her story—I encounter clouded-over eyes and shock. That is because many remain in action and do not even tune in enough to know what their stories are. Th

Stuck in THIS dating hell? Some version of. . . . . ‘I only seem to be attracted to emotionally unavailable partners and the ones attracted to me are ugly/poor/not my type etc. ‘ Oh. . . I hear you. . . SO HOW DO YOU TAKE CONTROL OF THIS? You first have to OWN YOUR PART. . . and no, it’s not any of the following reasons (because this is even what I hear from other coaches and therapists!) I cringe every time. . IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR LIKING ‘BAD BOYS/GIRLS’. YOU KEEP UNINTENTION

John Gottman, the world renowned researcher of marriage often uses this term, “Bids for Attention”. They are the moments when you reach to your partner and express a need. Maybe it’s a simple need for eye contact or a hug or an ear to listen – but we all do this. Even when we are not consciously aware that we have needs; our behavior might prove otherwise. According to Gottman, in the beginning of a relationship, couples are doing this (hopefully) with high frequency. They a

In the past week, I have had two clients look at me and say. . “But you couldn’t possibly know how hard this is. You seem to have it all...