Post Divorce Dating Hell . . .
Stuck in THIS dating hell?
Some version of. . . . .
‘I only seem to be attracted to emotionally unavailable partners and the ones attracted to me are ugly/poor/not my type etc. ‘
Oh. . . I hear you. . .
SO HOW DO YOU TAKE CONTROL OF THIS?
You first have to OWN YOUR PART. . . and no, it’s not any of the following reasons (because this is even what I hear from other coaches and therapists!) I cringe every time. .
* IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR LIKING ‘BAD BOYS/GIRLS’. * YOU KEEP UNINTENTIONALLY SELECTING YOUR MOM/DAD * YOU ARE TOO GIVING/ TRUSTWORTHY/VULNERABLE ETC. * MAYBE YOU LIKE THE PROCESS OF FALLING IN LOVE BUT NOT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP * YOU ARE SICK * YOU SHOULD JUST BE ALONE AND BE OKAY WITH THAT * IF YOU JUST STOP LOOKING FOR LOVE – IT WILL COME TO YOU! * YOU SHOULD WAIT ______ DAYS TO CALL/TEXT/ETC.
OKAY, CAN WE JUST BLAME THE VICTIM A BIT MORE HERE?
How about you DO have to own that you DO have this pattern in your life and then that you ACTUALLY DESIRE TO CHANGE IT!
Remember ANY change means doing things differently!
THE SECOND STEP is realizing that you have some UNHEALED parts of your psyche!
HERE ARE FOUR COMMON BLOCKS
1. Subconsciously believing that you do NOT deserve a whole healthy relationship. MANY OF MY CLIENTS, say. .well I am older/divorced/overweight etc. so therefore, I know I won’t find the whole package.
THEN GUESS WHAT? You don’t! You settle for a partial! (This usually comes in the presentation of emotionally unavailable people)
2. You were conditioned to NOT ASK FOR MUCH. MANY OF MY CLIENTS are successful adults who grew up with parents who did NOT meet their emotional needs. AND they have unintentionally BOUGHT INTO OUR SOCIETAL MESSAGE OF – BE INDEPENDENT AND DON’T RELY ON ANYBOY!
Do you know we are biologically wired for connection? WE ARE BEING ASKED TO GO AGAINST OUR BIOLOGY HERE?
3. You had a parent who smothered you and invaded your emotional space. SO ANYTIME SOMEBODY VERBALIZES THEIR VULNERABILITIES TO YOU?
YOU FIND FAULT IN THEM AND RUN!!!!
4. You are living with a DEEP SEATED FEAR OF abandonment. You worry that anybody that you find interesting as a love partner – will leave you. SO, YOU SELF SABOTAGE YOUR WAY TO SINGLEDOM. For the moment, your fears come true and you can avoid your challenge of being VULNERABLE TO OTHERS.
At the end of the day, NO relationship will continue without a willingness to be open-hearted and communicative!
SO YOUR WORK IS TO HEAL!!!! And deeply heal. . .
* Challenge your limiting beliefs from your childhood * Practice Reiki, Yoga, Massage and heal the energy within your body * Forgive yourself for past mistakes and realize they do not define you. * Dig deep and delete any of those traumatic memories that led you to this. Focus on how strong you were vs. how people did you wrong. * Have a mentor to keep you on track * Stay in action – get out there dating and meeting people * Engage fully with who and what is in front of you * Practice emotional availability towards others
ANYTHING HERE RESONATE WITH YOU?